Quote:
Originally Posted by bjones012
I have not given my wife an orgasm since 2003. She had them with me the first 6 months we were dating. The problem is emotional. She is from India and while in India a male Indian sex doctor got her off in 5 minutes stimulating her nipples. She can give herself and orgasm with her finger and with sex toys.
But tonight I asked her if I could use the same sex toy that gave her an orgasm. Nothing happened. After 10 mins. she said "this isn't working." Because I was there she could not get aroused.
Divorce is not an option. I tried to leave her once and she threatened suicide because her family would disown her if I left, because Indians don't believe in divorce.
So now that I know I can't even use a sex toy on my wife to get her off as she closes her eyes in a dark room, who do I live in a marriage like this? I don't feel like a man. I am not happy.
1. And no she is not only attracted to Indian men. Since she was 6 years old she told her mother she wants to marry a "blue eyed America boy." I have blue eyes and I am America. Remember I got her off in the beginning.
2. We talk about this problem all the time and she can't tell me why I can't get her off. She says cop-outs like sex is not important to her and orgasms are not important to her.
3. As an Indian she does not believe in counseling and will not go.
Obviously I don't do it for her anymore. So what can I do?
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One thing that's leaped out at me, is that you're taking a lot (if not all) the blame with your wife's lack of orgasms. Is this fair? I do not think so. It's so much more complicated than that.
If your wife doesn't know why you can't 'get her off', then I very much doubt if its anything you have done. If she no longer finds you sexy, then this is her reaction, not yours. Unless you've become a nasty person, you've put on 100lb, or developed a body odour that would repel skunks, then I don't suppose its anything much you've done.
Have you thought of going back to basics? Try putting sex on the back burner for a while. Leave it alone to ease the pressure you are both under. You've been together for quite some years, and life, the horrible horrible mundane life can really zap the magic out of a relationship. I was wondering if it may be worth a try of dating each other again, going out, try and reconnect, laugh, have fun together - nothing more. Get some sparkle back, and who knows, you may just, in time, reconnect in bed too. I know, as a woman, that I have to feel happy, loved and valued for it to make me feel confident and happy in bed.
Good luck.