astronoe, I feel for you, have been in the same situation, loathing myself... kudos for making that appointment, it's a huge step and I hope you keep it... and that you like your therapist/doctor/whatever. That said, in the meantime, it would help if you can do as optimize wrote, plus realize that you are too much inside your own head! By that I mean over-thinking, over-analyzing stuff. It is a natural by-product of having feelings you don't understand and that are causing you such distress. So as hard as it might seem, it's time to "act as if" you are worthwhile... go through the motions, whatever it takes to get you through this until you have your appt. In other words, fake it 'til you make it. Depression has been my Noonday/Evening/Nighttime Demon for my whole life, so I've learned something about the need for patience and to help get out of my own head... focus more on ANY kind of exercise, drink up nature as much as you can allow yourself, even if it feels "flat" or wrong or boring. Take yourself by the hand as you would take the hand of a scared small child, offer yourself comforts then give them to yourself in whatever form you're able -- a good rest, a tasty meal, a favorite book or show... soon you will be feeling a notch better, even if the darkness fights to keep you down on yourself! I know it may sound hokey and I probably would have rejected these things as not applicable to ME or just not useful... but have learned that as much as I know how to beat myself down, I also have a toe-hold on propping myself up. Peace... Alex.