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Originally Posted by astronoe
I came to the realization the other day that I have never liked myself.
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That is a good start. Now you can work on eventually liking yourself.
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Originally Posted by astronoe
When I was in college, I had probably the worst depressive episode I have ever had after a sexual assault. I never went to talk to anybody and I went on for almost a year feeling worthless and shouldering the blame for it.
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OK, so back then, you did not reach out for help even though you should have done so. Now, you have made an appointment for therapy. So you are doing better now than you did then. You have made progress. You can like yourself for having made progress!
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Originally Posted by astronoe
But I've never been able to take a compliment
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I do not have a personal experience with that, but I have seen this mentioned on this board. Hopefully, somebody with a personal experience will share insight and tips.
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Originally Posted by astronoe
I always feel like jumping off of a bridge whenever something goes wrong because I know that it is my fault and there is no way around it.
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You are making a misstatement here. You BELIEVE that you it is your fault, rather than KNOW it.
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Originally Posted by astronoe
I see my friends' children with regret and sorrow and I realize that what was in my womb could have grown to a person who shares half of my genes. His name could have been Charlie. I could have been a mother.
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That is not true. You could have died. How would you have been a mother while dead???
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Originally Posted by astronoe
I somehow manage friendships and a marriage
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that seems like a big accomplishment
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Originally Posted by astronoe
now I am dreading going to sleep because I know I'll be trying to convince myself that I'm worth something until I fall asleep.
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You cannot tune out those thoughts at all?
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Originally Posted by astronoe
How do I cope with this? I've never tried to treat this. Where do I even begin?
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You already began with the acknowledgment of the problems. You even listed them in a pretty good order, concisely and clearly. So I think you are on the right track. I would take the list (OP) to show during your first appointment.