Thank you both so much for your responses! I feel that I like myself for the most part, but after accidently missing the scholarship deadlines and losing my job, I'm having a lot of trouble forgiving myself. I feel like such a failure and an idiot and do not look forward to telling my father when I call him tomorrow. Granted, I was going through a ton and was incredibly busy.

I wasn't so nervous about reading, but I had been nervous in general all night. I felt very uncomfortable there. I felt incredibly embarrassed and stupid for making a flirtatious gesture that probably came off as desperate in front of an audience. I could barely hold back crying as me and my roommates were leaving. I encourage you to read, Sam2, its really freeing after the first time.

I do really REALLY appreciate the handful of close friends that I have here, but am constantly so sad that everyone has more. Its so hard for me to make friends in this town. I am supposed to have a handful of guy acquaintances (which is awesome because I rarely am able to make friends with women) over this Thursday for drinks and writing. I hope that they come and that maybe I can actually bond with some people.

I am seeing a therapist weekly. I'm growing a lot, but I am disappointed in myself for not being able to accomplish her current challenge for me: not talking to my crush. Its hard because I never have crushes and we work together and he always acts so happy to see me.

I want to quit feeling so melodramatic, but I'm hurting.