Hi everyone. Had a huge row last night because the ACT on call psychologist, during my husbands first session, told him to separate from us!! He even told him how to do it! *Now my own psychologist is a lady and have seen her three times and she has never said that even though we are victims in this situation due to the suicide attempt and consequent finding out of bizarre happenings of previous months by hubby. *

What galls me is he accepts as gospel what a new person says over the GP who has known him for fifteen years, the psychologist at the hospital he has seen on many occasions, our vicar, his few male friends, his many older female friends. Not to mention myself, our son and close family friends. He apparently said to him if he moved to central coast with us in a few months as planned, that he would be unhappy there because he is unhappy here. What this would mean would him being alone in a bedsit in Sydney while my son and I go north to central coast to a house.

He cannot cook he cannot be responsible with his diabetes and epilepsy and he would have no support and nobody to intervene if he goes off the deep end again. I know that I feel betrayed and sad...no longer angry about what happened but I cannot believe the psychologist said this. The last time anyone said anything like this he tried to jump off the gap! So the psychologist also said if he had not fallen for this young lady it would be another as his self esteem had suffered due to the demotion at work after his nervous breakdown due to workplace bullying. This is ******** as he had the breakdown four years ago and he has only acted out of character and beyond bizarrely since September last year when he met this girl.

Even the GP calls her his obsession and he told him in no uncertain terms to deal with it as he would need his family in the future. Even with that though he refused to stop being her special friend. And yes the psychologist explained to him that emotional affairs are often the ones that cause the most damage and end up in divorce. He is deluding himself that his feelings are friendship. He has rejected our son and I because of our health issues...chronic pain etc but it means we are dependants due to being on DSP. And avoidant personality disorder folks as we now know him to be do not deal well with dependants He has chosen a girl who is a mixture of myself and our son rolled into one. Obviously she is young and healthy.

I said he could have her as his friend on Facebook but not us both. He refused to take her off so I blocked him. He is addicted to Facebook and though he has few friends he stalks my posts etc and comments on mine and my friends...so he is finding that hard. After the row...eight hours..I cannot take these circular arguments anymore...I had a migraine after and grossest of all....my colostomy is non existent as an issue most of the time but because the way he was saying I was lying about everything upset me so much the sheer physical stress of it upset my tummy and I had gushing diarhoea so bad that it burst my bag three times. That is a major traumatic event for a colostomates...one can be hospitalised as one loses so much fluid one becomes dehydrated. *

Our son returned home late at night and stayed up talking to his dad as he would not go to sleep and at 4am said he was going to go for a walk...last time he did that he went to jump off the gap. This afternoon...I could not get up due to migraine myself...hubby said to me I actually can see today how sick I was last night. The things I said and did were sick. I can see it now. But he had not slept all night and he did not see it during the eight hour episode....he was vile...accusing both my son and I of making things up.

I am just venting here but I feel it's beyond the call of my duties as a carer and beyond my son's capabilities to talk to him for eight hours and then stay up for hours to make sure he does not off himself. Does anyone know how I can tell when not to engage him in this manner? Is it as soon as he gets nasty or says I am lying? I feel like I cannot talk about anything but trivialities without a third person present. He was actually better when our son arrived....though he admitted to him that our sons psychologist is right...that he is cold and distant and had mentally tortured him in the past as a child. I was aware he was sometimes verbally cruel but thought it was just his frustration at raising a disabled child. But it is in fact a way that avoidants behave ...taking everything as a criticism....spoiling our moments of joy etc. thing is the reason I ended up being hysterical ....and throwing my fave coffe cup at him....yikes...i never do that kind of thing....was because our sons therapist said our sons psyche and brain is damaged by his fathers treatment of him over the years. Our son is in so much physical pain anyway with his migraines etc that I just cannot forgive him for that. It's inexcusable...and the psychologist treating our son diagnosed his dad four years ago with this disorder and said the suicidal ideation and depression can be treated but the mental cruelty...the coldness is not.

He said to our son that he is not able to be rehabilitated. He will never be the one we thought he was when he was at his best. We thought it was the depression but he cannot feel love as most people do..we were told this and what hurts is we believe it...and my husband agrees and was not distressed by this. He just recounted the times he could remember he had emotionally tortured our son. I am officially without words now!! Thanks for staying with this rambling posting.