Hi Lowhope ~ I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly. You know, sometimes we have to change therapists if we're not getting what we need. I've changed therapists a couple of times until I found one that "clicked" with me. If you can't relate to your therapist, then it's just not going to work!

So why not see about getting another therapist? Or else have a heart-to-heart talk with your present therapist and tell him that things aren't going well and you need to talk about ----- and tell him EXACTLY what you want to talk about. Tell him about the self-loathing and guilt, and that you need help to get rid of it. If you've already told him about it, then tell him he's not helping you get rid of it, and maybe he'll change his "procedure." But he needs to do something!!!

You have to remember too that alcohol is a depressive, and if you're already depressed, it just serves to worsen it. So stay away from alcohol!

And please don't hate yourself. You're JUST AS good as anyone else. You're JUST AS deserving of respect and love as anyone else. And why do you feel guilty? I seriously doubt you killed anyone. I doubt that what you feel guilty about isn't your fault! So drop the rocks! You're a GOOD PERSON and we care about you! God bless you and take care. Hugs, Lee