I hope this is the correct place for this. I've looked in the depression forum and in the therapy section and my ramblings don't seem worthy for there.

I joined these forums about 2 months ago after I realised that I needed to start addressing my problems with social anxiety and my tendency to be so private that I can't make friends. I was hoping that I was going to read a post on here that fixed everything. Hoping for something that said "Turn around 3 times and say flippedy-flop and all your problems will go away". It doesn't work like that though. I've seen many posts from people with similar issues, but none contained that magic cure.

I have had these issues for all my life. I'm now 40 and remember thinking to myself when I was in my early teens that the best I can get from life is to get to the end. I've never felt like ending it, but I guess I've probably denied myself the opportunity to be happy. I was talking to a good PC friend the other day who asked "are you happy with your life?" It's sad that I can't answer that question. 99% of the time, I'm not happy but I don't think I feel sad either. I'm just me .. emotionless.

With the help of friends on PC, from reading posts of strangers on here, and from talking to my one and only friend in real-life, I've finally, after 20/30 years of being in denial, realised that I'm not going to feel better by myself and I'm going to need help.

I'm made enquiries and I'm lucky that my medical insurance via work will cover psychotherapy, so next week I'm going to have to make one of the biggest steps in my life. I'm going to have to walk into the GPs office and say "I need help". I'm expecting to be prescribed anti-depressants and need to ask them to refer me for therapy. I have never said anything like this before. I just hope I can get the words out when I get there.