It is sad that often parents simply do not know how to "nurture" their children properly. So much of the problems we have in society overall is due to "many" children that are simply not nurtured the right way so many end up with a lack of respect for others, and can have little empathy. Or, the result can be someone who somehow always carries "low self esteem" or tend to feel "unsafe or unworthy somehow".

I remember watching a young mother with her son and daughter, they were just babies really, not even really walking yet. There were many times when she talked to them as if they were much older and said things like, "I am not in the mood today", or "I am tired, leave me alone" and other statements that sent negetive messages to these babies that they had no way of understanding, they were just babies, having normal baby needs. It is not unusual for mothers to try to find ways to "put it here" and "put it there" out of her way too.

And then one can add in how a mother and father are hardwired themselves because of how badly they were raised and often neglected. For a long time children were to be seen and not heard remember. It is not unusual for parents to just "order" and "direct" their children and when a child has needs, "dicipline and don't bother me".

And yes DFL678, there are too many times when parents have "addictions to alcohol" and they are troubled people that can't even help themselves let alone a child.

Love? well, often the lack is due to so many parents that don't know how, and how so many parents have no idea how children really grow and develope, and that children don't even form their "one identity" until around age 5.

I can remember how so many different people mocked me because I rocked my daughter to sleep instead of putting her in her crib letting her cry to sleep until she somehow learned that putting her there meant "go to sleep".

Well, the important thing to remember if you have parents that didn't "nurture" you right, is that often that was because they were "ignorant" and also often themselves had "core issues" due to not being nurtured themselves".

It is amazing how "children are to be seen and not heard" has presented so many deep issues that have unfortunately passed from one generation to the next. It is amazing how many parents don't know how to "listen" to their children, but expect a child to "obey". It has amazed me the number of parents who "make the decisions" of what their children will do, what "they" think is important, and they really don't listen to what is important to the child. I have lost count in how many times other parents looked at me in surprise and said, "Why are you listening to her, you are the mother, she is just the child. What does she know?". Actually, if you want a child to "listen" you need to listen to them too so they understand what "listen means". There were so many times that I listened and my child had an important message for me that helped me mother her better. There were times when she just "couldn't" and instead of trying to "make her" I listened and that led me to learning that she had a learning disability and she really "couldn't".

It is important when looking back and seeing the "hurt or lack" and how it has affected you, that you make sure you see the "whys". Going through life, thinking you were never loved or are unworthy somehow or allowing yourself to be angry all the time, is not being "fair to yourself".

Personally, I really worry about this whole day care generation where mothers go off to work and leave their children with "strangers". I even worry about this new idea about getting children into school at age 4. Keep in mind how children at that age are just getting to a stage where they form their "one" identity in their brain. I don't know about anyone else but I do remember going to nursery school and being afraid around all those strangers, I didn't feel ready to fend for myself at all. I have had flashbacks of when I was soooo little and soooo frightened, they are so distrubing and I never imagined the brain keeps that trapped the way it does.

When I took my daughter to nursery school I sat and talked to her about how it was for her to meet children and play and have fun. I also told her if anything upset her to tell me. I made sure I asked her every time she went how it was for her (she only went for two hours in AM two days a week). She did express duress about the children who had to stay there longer without their mommies picking them up. She pleaded with me to not do that, and I told her that would not happen, and she felt so much better. If she ever told me she was afraid or was not happy or felt safe?, I would have taken her out of nursery school.

It is hard to go to the relationship forum and read how people are challenged and what they are thinking and only talk about how they have children but are self absorbed and not even thinking about "the children", but are too troubled themselves. It is hard to see the number of young teens that come here and are really challenged in someway, battling depression and are way too afraid to "talk to their parents". And there is this phrase they all utter too, "But they don't listen".

I raised my daughter well, she definitely has a voice. But what I have noticed is that she can't quite find a significant other that doesn't have deep issues and troubles or lack. That is a big problem these days, one of the big reasons why the relationship problems in society today are so prevelant.

OE