Hello,I'm new and I joined this site because I need the advice and opinions of others.

I am severely depressed right now, and I've been going through this depression for years now, just more severely recently. I can't seem to shake it.I'm not on any medications because I can't afford them. But, I do need them.

Right now I' so depressed that I don't see any need to go on. I/m not satisfied with my life, and because of my past, I know for a fact that I will never have the life that I would like to have. It's just not possible. This is probably the reason why I don't want to live, but there are other issues.

I am basically alone in this world. No one understands me or cares to understand me. I don't feel I have any family that cares about, and I don't really blame them. I have bee humiliated beyond what I can handle and it's taken a toll on me. Basically, if I die, it wouldn't matter to anyone. I know this because I am not as important to anyone as other people are. I feel like the only reason those who do know me want me to live is so they can see me watch other people live their lives and be happy. They want to make sure that I go through the worst life ever before I die. I'm tired of giving them the satisfaction. I could lie down right now and be okay with dying. That is how bad I feel. This feeling will never go away. I will never be the person I was supposed to be because of all of this. I can't live with that.

I just hate myself so much because of who I am. If I was anything important, I would have someone in my corner. I'd feel loved by my mom, and even my dad. I'd have meant something and those who took the time to make sure I felt pain and humiliation would not have done what they did and my family would not have agreed to it.

I've always been useless, unimportant, even as a child. I never felt I belonged or anything. Now, I know that I do deserve to feel this way, but I'm tired and would rather just die. I don't even want a good life anymore.

Does anyone have any advice for me. Thanks in advance.