"But inside I'm still that fourteen year old girl who couldn't do anything." Yeah, this. Not all the time. But often in T.

Re the hitting thing. I did used to cut, as well. I haven't quite unravelled this, but I told my T "it's not as if I was being beaten black and blue every night," and he said "In a way it would have been easier if you were," and I said "I wished I was so I'd have something to show for how I felt." So I think that's the answer. Also, I had this idea that unless someone beat me up I had nothing to complain about. Not that I showed anyone.

I think taking time off work sounds like a very, very good thing. It's about time you concentrated on yourself, because you deserve to be happy, and to feel better, and to take time out. Like you said, you're taking steps in the right direction and you WILL get there.

(((Hugs)))