AndreC, you're in a bit of a dilemma, in my view. You need to stop all drugs just to
get clean. Then, you need psychotherapy.

Problems of your type go far back into your childhood, I feel. You need to ask yourself some pertinent questions (no need to answer here, though): were you reared in a home where the father loved the mother and both loved their children?
Was one of your parents (or both) an addict of any type? Were you verbally abused as a child or made to feel that you could never be really worthy of a happy, successful career and life?

If the answers are "yes" to parental love and care, maybe you don't have problems from early childhood. (Everyone does, though, to some degree, and it's a lifetime process to overcome them for many.) If you answered "yes" to abuse, physical
or verbal or to demeaning of your being, you need therapy big time to regain your
self-respect and the health of your child within.

Please make an effort to stop the drugs so that you might get into therapy and find out what happened in your early life that led you to believe the things you do that are really not healthy for your psyche.

You do deserve a content life and happiness along the way.

Take care of yourself first now, please.

By the way, are you able to say to your boyfriend, "please don't use drugs in my
presence; I'm trying to remove them from my life permanently"?