Thanks for asking! I don't know if I would say it's intentional. It's more automatic I think. In T or with other people I tend to put walls up and disconnect emotionally pretty quickly. There's some sort of disconnection that exists. I can't seem to bridge the gap between the words I'm saying to the emotions I'm talking about or should be feeling I guess.

I have cried alone, but usually stop myself bc it starts to scare me or I can hear myself saying "shut up stop crying"--so I will stop on a dime.

Im not sure if this makes sense. I don't really know how to explain it.