Thank you, everyone, for the kind support. My college has a free counseling service, so I decided to start there. They are actual doctors, so I thought at the very least, one of them could actually point me in the same direction.

ajmich and hamster, you are right. I got so low a few years ago, that I didn't think I was worth helping. I can feel life tugging me down again sometimes, and I think by making that appointment, I've admitted to myself that I am worth helping and that it's not a hopeless cause to feel better. I've been surrounding myself with friends and letting my husband in a little more over the last several days. He even opened up to me about his own struggles with what might be depression. Sometimes, I wonder if I have atypical depression (never diagnosed) because I get hypersomnia on weekends if I don't set an alarm and I react well to positive situations. But I have what I think might be a rejection complex; I get envious over the silliest things, like a professor that I have a decent working relationship with talking to another student about something or a friend inviting someone else besides me. I always wonder what it is about myself that made them avoid me, although consciously, I know it's ridiculous, and I think I've done OK at hiding it. But I want to stop feeling this way, or at least dull it to where it doesn't cause me such anxiety.

All of this, paired with issues with my father as a child and some with my mother, I guess created this self-loathing persona that I cannot shake. Believing that I could feel better about myself does seem hopeful.

George, my concept of a valuable and likable person is a bit nebulous. Kindness and compassion, work ethic, and intelligence are all valuable to me. All things that I strive for but never let myself completely believe that I have achieved.

Thanks again for all the thoughts. I am feeling much better today.