Still waiting for that much-needed hypomania to kick in so I can feel a surge of creativity to start making things in my life happen.

This book isn't going to write itself.

These clients and future clients aren't going to be helped by me if -- well -- I don't help them.

I've been bad about taking my Wellbutrin lately. I'm supposed to take 100 mg SR in the morning and in the evening. I've been taking 1 maybe every 2 or 3 days.

Still bumming over the backlash of hateful things said by some people on this forum. People I have never heard of before, who have never contributed to conversations that I have been involved with before, and said things that were not helpful at all.

Thanks to the many, many folks on this forum who sent me private messages.

Meanwhile, I went to someone's cabin overnight with several other people. I had been half-way looking forward to it for a week and a half. At the last minute, I was dreading it and hoping to think of a way to cancel.

But I made myself go.

The ride down there was awkward. Several hours with people I have nothing in common with, other than being distant relatives.

The overnight stay, itself, was fine. Nothing great. Nothing bad. All it amounted to was:

* Arriving
* Saying hello to everyone
* Sitting on the deck and watching deer come really close to eat
* The women made dinner while the men sat on their rears
* We ate dinner
* The women cleaned up dinner while the men sat on their rears
* We played a card game
* Everyone slept and I was up most of the night by a chainsmoker who coughed with every breath as she slept
* The women made breakfast while the men sat on their rears
* The women cleaned up breakfast while the men sat on their rears
* And then we all drove home.

Not very exciting. Everyone told me I would really enjoy the chance to relax in nature. Nope.

Reception on my cell phone was spotty, so my texts kept bouncing. I could get on Facebook on my phone, only to be kicked right off. Since I was using my cell phone as a wi-fi hotspot, I kept getting kicked offline.

Very frustrating because had a couple of orders from clients that needed my attention and I couldn't get them to download.

On top of all of this, a couple of the older people who were there are NOTORIOUS racists and "male chauvinist pigs." (Do people still use the phrase "male chauvinist pig"? It was used a lot when I was a kid.)

They think it's perfectly fine to feel this way because it is how they were raised. One of them is 80 and one is 60, and when they were young people in their very small rural town, it was normal to use the "N-word" all the time. They still do, and nearly every conversation involves use of the "N-word" at some point, blaming them for what's wrong with society.

An example of the kind of things they said -- One man was talking about if women are going to be hired to do men's work, they damn well better be able to do the job instead of asking the men for help, like the women in the factory where he used to work. Another man said he was sick of women taking jobs that should be given to men so they can support their families, and he's also sick of seeing (N-words) take jobs that should have gone to white women.

So it's best if you're a white male. Second best if you're a white woman. And you're out of luck if you're an N-word.

One of the older men told me there used to be a sign posted in their small town, next to the city limits sign, that said "coloreds" weren't welcome there.

I said, "That's awful," and he looked at me like I was the one in the wrong.

Lovely weekend as far as making strides into this century, no?

Meanwhile, back at home...

My son was going to come by the house several times to take care of the pets. Looks like he came by once. I don't see evidence of the dog or cats being fed any cans of their wet food.

He won't respond to my texts, and I have held back and not sent the texts that I was about to send when I saw that he was not here as often as he said he was going to come.

Now that I'm home, I'm back to my normal, boring life.

People say that it's good to force yourself to be around other people. Reach out and have a little human connection. But all it does is remind me of what I don't have.

I find fault with people. Like the couple who invited us to the lakehouse.

They both have grown kids. She married this guy after knowing him less than a year. He is a major redneck hillbilly. He has missing and rotten teeth, and they are right in the front of his mouth so you can't avoid seeing them. He can barely put a sentence together and speak properly.

Somehow, she was able to overlook this and accept this guy the way he is.

I can't imagine living like that.

I'm by myself, with days and days of zero human contact. But I'd rather be without human contact instead of living with a hillbilly with missing teeth, who uses the N-word every day and thinks he's better than everyone else because he happened to be born a white male.

But it does remind me that I don't have anyone to talk with, share a TV show or movie with, share a meal with, make plans with, have similar hopes and dreams, etc.