No work worth doing, that I can do.

I'm studying environmental science. I love nature. I hate what people have been doing to it. Even the basic science just gets used to justify more abuse. A few people actually care, but most are just flying a banner of "sustainability" to help market their business or other interests. Or they're in fantasyland that every little bit makes a difference.

I'm tired of hanging on hoping things will change. I see things getting worse throughout my lifetime.

It's very discouraging. I apply for some jobs, but my heart isn't in it. It's all compromised and ultimately people-oriented goals. Why do I even post this. I doubt anyone will understand.

I'm in the top 5-10 percent in my classes across my field of study, but I'm not so superfantastic that I've been asked to go into research like my husband, the brilliant one. Plus he's younger, so he's getting his first kick at the can. I'm an old unwanted thing, it feels like. In my past career, I was outwardly successful in things that left me miserable inside, and I don't want to build on those things as I would be expected to do at my age. I just don't care in the least. I did it for the money and for my own learning experience. I have transferable skills, but no idea where I can really transfer them.

No place for me in this world.