adam_k's post hit the nail on the head and is way too close for comfort.
I read thru the questions and realize that I cannot come face to face with the answers as he did ... It is all too painful ... It's like looking in the mirror.

I realize that many of my problems stem from my 20+year relationship. I find myself wanting out, but do not want to leave our dog ... She is like my child. Cleaning out my mom's stuff when she died also added to my depression big time ... Made me realize how much stuff I had, as well as how much like her I've become. My relationship is also much like my parents marriage was - they jut went with the flow for 5 kids and social life. I am in a place I didn't want to be in when I walked away from pending marriage 32 years ago.

I've walked away several times before, but this time I can't ...

I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!