Okay, so I've been slowly getting back with God. I drifted away because going to church is hard for me. The thought of going makes me sick to my stomach even when I know there is nothing to be afraid of. I now sometimes listen to the radio or watch a preacher on the TV (if he/she isn't too out there and all about the money).

Anyway, I am watching something on TV that made me sad, lonely, envious. I mean, like most people, I want to have friends, meet a good man and have a relationship, maybe get married. This program just reminded me of what I don't have and probably never will. So, when I took a moment. I said a prayer. I'm like, "God, the thing I most want is the exact thing that I am most afraid of..."

It really is kind of funny, wanting something like friends so badly and yet being so afraid of getting it, or not. Just thought I'd share.