Tiny - I think that's right for me too. I've sometimes tried to describe it to my T as a stainless steel garage door sliding closed. It locks me in and keeps me safe; the outside world doesn't get to me anymore and I don't have to interact with anyone. It can take days or weeks, or when I was a child, years to peak out and see if the world was safe enough for me to come out. I think now it's habit - I've been doing it for so long, that I just do it without thinking.

I know I want to feel, and that's a good step. I got a glimmer of a feeling about 3 weeks ago (it was sudden sadness) and I was ironicly so happy about feeling sad.

Thanks for making me feel less alone.
Bub