I am a T, but I have not yet experienced romantic feelings from any of my clients, at least not explicitly. I can think of some who I had perceived as having possibly flirted with me non-verbally, but I have not and would not ever vocalize it to them unless I knew with certainty that they were doing this, or if they began acting extremely inappropriate in my office. The reason I do not bring it up without certainty and the reason I would bring it up with extreme acting out is for the same reason: a potential lawsuit. That is the last thing I need, to lose the job I always dreamed of having and worked so incredibly hard for!

Having said that, I do believe that romanticized transference, like any transference experience, can be incredibly helpful to the patient's healing if they are willing to explore it. It can always be connected with the work happening in therapy, and I would certainly be willing to help my patients understand it, but I do recognize how vulnerable and taboo it can feel to be open about so I don't exactly fish for it (but I always have a friendly, open, "you can talk about anything in here" kind of attitude).

I am a human being, and so of course I have thought some of my patients were sexually attractive. But there is a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them. I have never experienced the latter. Think about how you would conduct yourself around someone attractive whom you work with in another profession where you hold an important position. What would you do? If you're smart and like your job, you act professional. That's what I do - I act professional and do my job. I seriously love my work, and I would never consider even developing a friendship with a client (even if they terminated years ago). One thing I make sure I do when I find a client attractive though, is that I note it in my head and monitor my behavior to see whether or not I am acting differently based on the feeling. I wouldn't want to unconsciously act differently and have it effect treatment.

In terms of reciprocity, I would never disclose my feelings to a client if I did find them attractive. I would never deny it either. Both are counterproductive to therapy. I would demonstrate appreciation though for their sharing with me, and invite them to examine it with me to see how it functions in and out of therapy. And of course, I would remind them that we're not allowed to have anything but a professional relationship.

A number of years ago, I had the most severest crush on my own therapist. So, I know what it's like to be on the other end. My experience of it was very similar to what many of you are talking about here. Actually, maybe it was worse. I was totally obsessed with her, idealized her, fantasized about her, and talked with her about this in many of our sessions. I no longer see her now, because I moved, but I found my work with her to be some of the absolute best therapy I've done. And I believe it had a lot to do with my having feelings for and learning about the role they played in treatment. It sucked, and I would have told you that I loved her, but now years later when I look back at it I see that I was using it as a defense.

I am so glad a forum like this exists for all of you. You need a place to be able to talk about this stuff. Of course, I am biased and will tell you that you should talk about it with your therapist, but I realize this is too far a stretch for many of you.