whenever i see someone post to another to "be safe" when cutting, it kills me. i am on the same page on wanting other to not cut too deep or worse, but i don't want that for myself. i si TOO shallow and weakly as it is, so thinking about someone telling me to be safe makes me feel like ****. it's as if they are saying "haha look what you can't do. you are sooo weak and don't deserve help. you are less of a person than those who can cut deep". these thoughts are killing me. it's so stupid that i can't hurt myself right/bad enough. i think that if i could make a deep cut, then my self-esteem would be much better. i hate the idea that people would think that i am weak.

things could be sooo much worse for me and i wish they were. then maybe I'd feel like i deserve to be helped and to reach out to people. i also feel like if i told someone then since i am not a danger to myself, then they would think i am just being sensitive, over reacting, and complaining. so until i know those thoughts are not an option, i will wait until i grow a spine and cut deep. besides i haven't been through intense and super traumatic events...

thank y'all for reading and letting me vent

--Sam