When I was sitting in the car with the door closed and and the engine running in 1988 a though crossed my mind through the fog. What if this doesn't relieve my pain? What if it's worse when I go? None of my other escapes had worked, why should this one? So I went from looking for a reason to live, to looking for a reason not to die. The thought of the pain and anguish I would cause my mother crossed my mind, the though that it might actually kill her. We tell ourselves that nobody cares, nobody REALLY cares if I live or die, why should I? That is an outright lie that I have told myself to justify my self-centered self pity (part of my disease, not a moral failing). The reason I know that it's a lie is that I care about you and everyone on this forum. Total strangers, yet if it was in my power, I would heal everyone here. And if I care, I know there are others who do, otherwise this forum would not even exist. It is possible to overcome depression, to one degree or another. Thousands of people have. Perhaps you have a purpose in life, to climb out of the hole so you can reach down and help pull someone else out. You have helped me by simply posting your feelings here. Here on earth, all we really have is each other. We need each other even if we don't like to admit it. Thank you for reminding me.