Spunky, you need some therapy. What happened to you in 2009 was NOT YOUR FAULT. You say you don't care for yourself -- WHY?? I realize that's a normal reaction when someone is abused -- but you did NOt cause this to happen. This is not your fault and you are not "dirty, or a slut, or soiled." You are still a good person, with great qualities, and any man could love you. You just have to learn to love yourself! You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else!!!

Is there any way you can get into therapy? Can you have your doctor refer you to a good therapist? Do you have insurance that would cover it? I sure hope so.

Are you in school? If you're in school, talk to the school counselor. he/she has heard this plenty of times and CAN help you!! So talk to the counselor!

But don't go on thinking this way about yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You're still a wonderful person that God made! And God loves you. Hugs, Lee