because I am so sick and tired of "feeling" everything so intensely and all the time. Between how I feel about myself and what I pick up from others (we with personality disorders usually have highly acute intuitive skills), the feelings of beng human can become, well, just as you have both described it as - disgusting. I sometimes feel like I am an alien because I get so creeped out about even having to acknowledge that I am "human."


It is only natural for people to charm us when they seek something from us. Most of the time, people are totally unaware of their behaviours - much like we were of ours before being diagnosed - however, we are just much more in tune to what's really happening.

We cannot change human nature, only how we respond to it - by being grossed out, or by acknowledging that we actually can see through their tactics and get to the truth of the matter, quicker. This can be a very useful skill, especially when "they" have no idea what they are saying or doing. I think our frustration is that we can see it, but they can't...and I get disgusted over that, which makes me feel disgusting for being so judgmental, and then I don't feel good in my own skin thereby creating a creepy feeling about being human, and so on.

Well, that's how it goes for me.

Altered State