I can relate to what Eva said about staying in the moment in T. I've been with my T for a little over 4 years now. It will come to the point I can feel the emotions there and ready to come up and out. But the emotions coming up will trigger a switching or dissociating that I can't control. I feel comfortable enough to deal with the emotions or share them. But I can't control that automatic response to dissociate. How do you break the cycle of dissociating? It's so learned and ingained into my daily functioning I don't know how to stop it. And I really do want to stop the dissociating. I feel like this is the last part of therapy I need to work on. I've never not known about the abuse. I always knew I was abused. I've learned more about what happened and I feel able to move past those physical memories of the actual events. It's the emotional effects that are left.

For me it's the effects of the emotional abuse that are the hardest to work through. When you have been so emotionally abused from birth, how do you learn to identify emotions and express them? I have them. I know that, they overwhelm me. But they are trapped in this system we developed to be able to live.

Feel like I've walked 1000 miles to get home, only to find that I've been locked out. My emotions trapped in pieces inside are keeping me from being a whole person now.