Hi. I'm new here so I don't really know if this is the right place to talk about this but, whatever, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.

I am 21 years old, still living with my mom and her boyfriend- whom I absolutely HATE ! - and I'm having trouble socializing and being part of the rest of the world. I am a loner and I'm always locked up in my room. The only time I get out is if I have to go to school or work, other than that....I stay home. I only have one friend and I don't even see her often, because she's the complete opposite of me. She likes to socialize and go out in the world, while I hate it. Ok i know I'm stalling a little, so let me just cut right to the chase.

I am afraid that I might be a bad person. Not just bad as in, causing trouble and insulting people or anything like that. I am literally terrified that I might be an evil being. Like deep down, I feel like I'm more into the "shadows" than the "light" I am constantly fighting with, what i think is my real nature. The evil one. I keep trying my hardest to suppress it and convince myself that I'm paranoid, but as I get older, I'm starting to realize that it's not my imagination, I have an evil side that's dying to come out, and I'm afraid that this evil side might actually be the REAL me. I keep putting up this front like I actually care about people around me, but I really don't...I keep having these thoughts on murder and hurting people and it's very graphic. In my head, I can see it as if I was actually going to do it and I can even feel some sort of...satisfaction while thinking about these things. Especially to the people I don't like. Everytime it happens, I shut these thoughts down and try to think about something else, but the more I try, the more I'm actually thinking about it.

I don't want to be a bad person, let alone an evil one. I have a lot of anger built-up inside of me that hasn't been released from back when I was 12 years old, I've never been in a fight my WHOLE life, not even an altercation that would have led to a fight, nothing. And I'm afraid that one day, I'm just gonna explode like a volcano and actually hurt someone...or even worse...I'm afraid that, if and when that day comes, I'm gonna be sucked into a world of darkness and evilness that's going to wrap me in forever. I'm afraid that, if I let that Anger out, it will be the end of me, that this is going to be the opportunity for evil to take over and I don't want that to happen. Everyday of my life, I feel heavy, I have this pressure on my chest and I feel like my body's a weak container that's trying to seal something dangerous that's about to come out. I have Insomnia and a deep thinker.

My biggest fear is that somewhere in the future, I might become a danger for society.

Now I don't know what I'm suppose to ask of you, if I have to ask for help or whatever. I don't even know what to do at this point. I'm just out of Ideas. I need advice or at least someone to tell me that...I'm just over thinking or that I'm not alone and that it's kinda normal to have those fear. I believe in God and Hell is not somewhere I want to end up at, but if my feelings keeps on going down that road...I'm afraid this might be a possibility.

I'm a Gemini btw...don't know if it's relevant or not, and I'm a girl.

I know this is long and you're probably not even going to read all of that crap, but if you do, please give me a answer or...something. Thank you.