thank you for your support.

my dad has contacted my uncle and apologised, then he apologised to me for yesterday, so things are back to "normal" again now. and the holiday is back on, thankfully.

i would like to makes one thing clear though, some of you maye think i meant that my mum and dad fight now. my mum is dead, she died 5 years ago but when she was alive they use to fight. but she was an alcoholic and knew she would die from it, but i guess the love of her kids wasnt enough to keep her alive, and she died from liver damage along with hepatitas c, and a couple of other illneses. im sorry if i gave you the wrong impression about my mum, making you htink she was alive. i often forget people dont know. but i thought it was only fair to make you aware.

thank you for all your support. i really appreciate it and even though things with my dad seem ok now... i know it wont last forever.

it wasnt the arguement that i was sad about yesterday, it triggered me...i was already low and it just released the tears. it does upset me to see the damage alcohol has and that i feel alone and that im my dads parent!

i hope one day i can move out. once i sort my career out i will, i just need to get on my feet.

im going through a huge issue with my looks at the moment. i have extremely low self esteem and i have many issues about my weight (im 6 foot 2 inches and wiegh 9 and a half stone, so im thin!!) which was caused by an eating disorder i had years ago but havent been able to gain the wieght back. i truly believe i am ugly, skinny, and generally un-attractive in all aspects including personality. many wouldnt know it because most of it i dont show but i am so insecure and my confidence is as low as it can be. but i am struggling to build it up. i entered my profile into a dating site about 6 months back and havent had a single reply. so that doesnt help. i know it isnt enough effort but i thought i would start there and hopefully build up confidence, but it seems to have lowered it even more.

but im sure things will change in time, who knows. i am sure once i get a new job and meet new people i will find somebody who makes me happy and i will be able to meet new people and make friends. so roll on future!!....

simon