Simon no matter what you look like..and I am sure it is good...but you are a beautiful person...You posts show that..you just shine through...one day you will have the love you deserve...I know it! and please try and think about going to al-anon...you will meet other young people like yourself that is coping with an alcoholic parent...you will be able to talk about it with someone who is going though it too...who knows? you may even meet friends there...!