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Originally Posted by moooo2u
At this point my wife has indicated that the only reason she is not leaving is that she has no place to go. Technically that's not true - her mother lives a mile away alone in my wife's childhood home. Also, her brother lives less than a mile away. She doesn't get along with either all that well - she does in ways but certainly couldn't live with them without arguing all time.
Also, she takes great offense to me feeling she is a taker but has no problem not talking to me and saying she has left me but still driving the cars I pay for and spending my money otherwise. All this while apparently having left me while still living in the house.
So if we were to separate and/or divorce, how would that work? I'm not leaving my house - I've paid for it and do the work on it. My cars are all in my name. My wife has no income. We can't really pay all of our bills right now without a struggle so how could I fund two houses or afford attorneys? Even though she has no income, she spends many hours involved with schools through PTA and is a member of the school board which takes a lot of time. I'm still basically funding her philanthropic activities and allowing her to live a life volunteering and playing mahjong while we can't pay our bills. She of course does not get that which is part of the problem.
My oldest is 20 and in college so he's all set. The middle will be 18 in a few months and heading off to college so she's all set. The youngest is 14 so still has a few years and she is a quite shy person like me and I don't think she'd fare well with my wife and of course I have no problem with paying for whatever the kids need - I do it now and have no intention of not doing it.
I'm not sure how my wife would even afford an attorney - would I be paying for that too? I can't afford to pay one now even for me.
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Wanted to add, stop already with the "I bought this, I bought that. She has contributed nothing." It is not all about YOU. If you are unhappy, then YOU leave and figure it out. Though she may have made no money, she has contributed a great deal and you will find that out in the eyes of the law. At one point, she was everything you wanted. Do you magically have clean clothes and underwear everyday? Somebody takes care of that one. Was it understood that she would be a homemaker in the relationship? Then she DID contribute to the marriage.
Divorce is NOT easy. It is NOT cheap. But in the eyes of the law, if she contributed to your education, supported you in your employment, they WILL look at that. It will be figured into spousal support. She is entitled to HALF of your retirement accounts. Divorce bankrupts most people. I am losing my house to foreclosure. I owe my parents 5K, I have spent the past two years in a separation and finally divorced. Please do the research on the laws in your state. If you don't feel like you can or want to do the divorce, get into some serious marriage counseling and put some hard work in that way. I asked my attorney once why people get divorced if it is so expensive. He said, "because in their eyes, it is worth the money." Sorry to be so harsh, but divorce is like that. There is absolutely nothing fun about the process, even under the best circumstances. It sounds like you are the one that wants out. If that is the case, leave. It sounds like she has no intention of leaving. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
We ( my ex and I ) had a somewhat amicable divorce, no fighting and doing the best to co-parent. It is still difficult and reality is, we are joined at the hip and forced to get along because we havs kids together. It doesn't stop when they graduate either. There will be weddings and grandchildren etc.
Best of luck in your decision. It is not an easy one and will not be anything like you ever thought it would be. If you are serious, get a consultation with an attorney or two. They will give you a dose of reality and it may lend perspective and at that point perhaps help you decide what direction you would like to take.