everytime i get better, everytime i feel more normal again, content and happy, something bad happens. and not just little things, like breaking a nail. it's like an entire bucket of rocks gets dumped on me. until i'm back on the ground, back in the hole, miserable, depressed and suicidal. apparently that's where i'm meant to be. and i always know it's going to happen, because it happens every single time. never fails. i'm at the point where i'm scared of getting better, because i know that something awful will happen once i do.

its' a curse, and itnot only affects me, but also my family. to remove the curse and give them a chance for a better life i'm going to have to remove myself. theres no other way. i can't keep doing this to them. it's nto their fault, they didn't do anything worng. it'd be selfish of me to stick around and continue to ruin their lives.