First off, thank you all for your responses. I still feel really pretty awful, but I feel better than I did yesterday, and that was better than the day before, so, things are looking good. And reading what you've written definitely helped with that some.

First, one thing that may be useful in understanding my thoughts: The original reason I came to this site is because, over the last few years, I have come to think that there is a pretty compelling case for the idea that I have borderline personality disorder. After going over it this most recent time, and then talking about it to my wife, I no longer have more than a vestige of doubt. So, if you know anything about that, maybe it will provide insight? *shrug*

LovelaceF: Regarding your question, about jealousy, feeling threatened, worrying she'll cheat, and worrying about losing her affection: I did have a big, fairly in-depth response I was typing up, but I kept finding flaws and inaccuracies in my statements, and finding myself getting more and more upset, reliving things I've relived enough recently. So, I saved that away somewhere, and instead, here's a short version.

Yes, the concept of non-sexual touching makes me feel jealous, and threatened, and I do worry about losing her. I even worry about her cheating on me. Not because I think she would ever choose to under ordinary circumstances, but because accidents happen, and I think they're more likely to happen when you are already filled with high, positive emotions and pressed against someone(s) else. Add in a drink or two, and maybe one of the friends has an agenda... yeah, it makes me really nervous. I'd worry about my own actions in that situation, and I feel like I'm a lot more experienced with exercising restraint than my wife (probably to a fault, I'll concede).

There are a lot of reasons for my feelings, but I guess I really don't want to go into them right now, largely because it's pretty complex, and I don't seem to know where to stop or start, or what to put in the middle, if you understand. But yeah, to put it simply, I have thought about it quite a bit.

Harley47 (and really everyone else): Just to clarify, I don't have a problem with her hugging other people. At all. Well, okay, there is one person, but just seeing that person would set me off, so...and even then, I would mostly just require extra affection and reassurance for a while after. In general, though, no problem. My problem is with cuddling, or similar levels of contact. You know, like, extended full body hugging (but with clothes, and avoiding sexual areas). Does that help clarify?

Also, the fantasies don't really bother me, in of themselves. Like I said, I even have them. They can be fun, when I'm not feeling as emotionally vulnerable as I have the last few weeks, and she would never, ever push them on me when I didn't feel comfortable with them.

Hamster-bamster: I agree. What I meant was that she doesn't attach specific special feelings to sex that make her only want to have it with one person. And what I really mean by that, is that she doesn't attach the same suite of feelings to sex that make me want to have it occur exclusively within our monogamous relationship.

On that note, it occurred to me earlier today that we often communicate things in different ways, and I often misunderstand her as a result, because she doesn't have the same obsession with explicitly stating everything that I feel like I do. So, I realized that, when she said she didn't think of sex as something special, just something that is fun and feels good, there was a good chance that what she meant was that she didn't think it was necessarily a special thing, as in, all the time (a feeling that I think I share to an extent). I talked to her about it, and she verified that, yes, that's more or less what she meant, and that she does in fact see sex in our relationship as a special, meaningful thing, because she loves me. Made me feel warm and fuzzy, and eased one of my recent concerns.

Oh, one more thing.
Harley47: I really appreciated the bit about how you think monogamy is likely rooted within the emotional side of things. I've had that thought before, but like a lot of my thoughts, I can't really tell if I'm just trying to justify myself, or if there's any validity to it. It was nice hearing it come from someone else. Thanks.

Thanks again. Like I said, I think things are going better, though right now I still feel like a huge, boring, closed-minded jerk, and I'm really nervous because this weekend we are going to be seeing some people she has had a relationship of sorts with before. But we've talked about it, and established boundaries, and I know it's going to be okay.