Just because you aren't cutting deeply, doesn't mean that you are not in as much pain as the ones who do cut deeply. Its not a contest. I've done both shallow and through muscle, and the pain wasnt'any different from one to the other. The only thing that was difference was the degree of violence that went along with the deep cuts.

There is a phenomenon that occurs with women who have been raped. Women who have been raped but not badly beaten, slashed or almost killed, often feel guilty that their wounds were not serious. Almost as if the lack of serious injuries inflicted during the rape somehow invalidate how they feel. Some think that they have no right to complain or be so upset, or that they should have fought harder. Does that make their trauma any less? I'm not a woman, but i can't believe that it would lessen the after effects of a rape. They were still violated against their will, made to feel like garbage, had their trust ripped from them and made them feel like they will never be safe again.

The same goes for SI. The fact that you had to resort to SI is a reflection of how badly you are hurting inside. It doesn't matter if you just made scratches or cut your hand off. It all comes from the same place and reflects the same thing.

The first time I attempted suicide, I took a handful of a perscription asthma medication. It came very close to killing me, yet when a psychiatrist came in the room just before I was ready to go home, he said that I must not have been serious because I didn't take the whole bottle. So thirty years later, my heart still has problems, but it wasn't serious? Those are just words. You know what you feel and the pain that makes you reach for a razor or a knife.
I wish you didn't feel like you had to hurt yourself at all. When people say "at least you didn't really hurt yourself too badly", I think they are trying to cheer you up by saying that physically you haven't maimed yourself. Sometimes we don't think before we speak.

Sam2