It may seem like its not working but Ive done the things that optimize suggests and they really did have an effect. Somehow, speaking to ourselves lovingly and calmingly can dull the edge on those dark thoughts we have. Those thoughts that keep coming and coming even tho we chase them away time and time again. We look to the world to give us positive feedback but it doesnt come, it doesnt know how to do that. We have to do it for ourselves, we need to break this cycle of feeling badly, we have to have hope. Believe that you are worth it frownupside down, this takes a lot of time. I dont believe you're horrible but I believe the depression is telling you that.