I don't know what I want. I just hurt and want to push her away from me. I want to get away from this because I don't know how I can learn to trust her after this again. It's like everytime things get bad for me, she isn't there. Well jot everytime, but I was also depressed the last time she did this. It is hard enough to deal with depression, but then when I feel like crap I have to worry about my wife going away to another releationship.

I have a hard time dealing with dishonesty. My own existing comes from a mother who cheated on my father. My whole life is somewhat of a lie. It devastes me when someone I care about betrays me like this.

Maybe this is coincidence, but this week in spite of all that happened I was feeling good. Now that me and Sarah are trying to patch things up, I am starting to feel depressed. I think I am starting to resent her. I just want to push everyone out of my life and be alone right now.