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speak more honestly right here about my 'problem'...than anywhere else.
how can I determine what response I get?...and even more?...how can I manipulate anything in my favour?...especially when I am exposing myself as a degenerate!...a human failure.
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ah mm, you hit the nail on the head re my response tho i was over the top perhaps. i care for you a lot. it pains me to see your struggle. as you know from my drinking career i went down fighting. how dare they say i must give up my 'best friend'! i was in a vicious cycle of self destruction. i loathed myself. i saw others 'get it' and i thought i couldn't get it. that only added to my low self image.
i got a 'little' intense in my original response. sorry. been stressed out over a health diagnosis. but no excuse. bad 'hair day'. thank you for understanding with your recent remarks. you're right i am sad you feel you are a failure. (i used to define myself as a worm). consider this-you have a (perhaps for any of us) a fatal disease. that doesn't make you a failure or a degenerate. it's a product of our perception having this active disease. but as you know only each of us can make the decision to prescribe the medicine to get well. i am very glad you're here. i am very glad you are so honest with us.  that is the mainstay of this forum, imho. keep posting my friend. we're here for you.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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