I have another question for everyone. Recently, I've been uncovering a lot of feelings and some memories that I had buried pretty deep. I haven't been able to feel much. I can picture getting hit and kicked and yelled at and have no feelings about it. But lately, those feelings are coming back just a little at a time. One feeling I'm really struggling with is anger. I have SO MUCH anger that I'm afraid if I ever allowed myself to really feel it, I could never get it back under control. I wonder if it's necessary to feel the full force of my anger in order to work through it or not.

My T says this is an "introject," an internalized representation of my abuser. I agree with her. But I don't know what to do about it! And I don't know when my next session will be, so I can talk about it (I don't go regularly because I have to travel to get to her). It might be several weeks before I get in for another session.

I feel this powerful rage! I am a very nonviolent person, and I keep having dreams where I want to be violent! I'm a former self-injurer and I worry that I'm going to end up hurting myself again if I don't find a way to deal! In my dreams, this is what it always seems to come down to- hurting myself to vent those awful feelings. I DON'T want to go there again.

How do you all deal with your anger? Do you experience that kind of anger in response to your abuse? Do you also shut it out sometimes? When you feel it, how do you cope with it?

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown