I say, fault-shmault I think some get stuck on the blame game and who's fault... that they die with not-my-fault. Ideally. But I think after some time, it's waste of time. Even if it's not your fault, you have to learn to live with it. And if you drove yourself cray cray with some unfortunate choices (or made yourself worse)... you have to learn to live with it...

So to me, fault doesn't matter.

As for hallucinations? What I think about them? That seeing shadows, predator drones and other things sucks? But most of my hallucinations do make "sense" in a way (I never seen anything that could not be relatable)... so maybe if I could get some label for it... but meh. It's part of my life experience. "Not my fault" will not take it away. Illness label would make me feel even more out of it. Grounding, self-comfort and finding inner streght helps there.

Btw, don't you have some trauma in the past as well? I think it would be hard to find somebody who has "emotional problems" out of nowhere. (and often what is consider perfect life on the outside can be more complicated and problematic when you look closer).