Hi All,

I have been seeing a psychologist for issues that I feel are mostly related to OCD, but I am under the suspicion that he thinks there is something more and the language he uses in therapy seems to correlate with some aspects of BPD. When I look at the criteria for BPD, I seem to only fit one fairly strongly at the moment. The whole notion of identity disturbance seems to be a major concern of mine although it hasn't always been. What prompted me to seek help in the first place was that my OCD had really gotten out of control after not doing one of my compulsions. What developed was this intense introspection of myself and feeling like I can't get out of my own head which became incredibly bothersome and only seemed to get worse. Prior to this episode, I can say I truly did have a sense of self with confidence (or so i think). I had values, morals, religious views, likes, dislikes, confident with my sexuality, had good friends, and by no means acted like a "chameleon." as I see is so common with some that have BPD. I was always respectful of other opinions, but I don't feel I molded mine to become in line with them. I admit that I could be "wishy-washy" or accommodating sometimes of other ideas, but I feel that this is common among all people and that their are some areas where we can see both sides.

What I am suffering from now is this feeling of being so stuck in myself that I can't break out of it. I feel like I am always self-monitoring and I keep telling myself that I'm being fake with others and to myself. I have developed thoughts of something being inherently wrong with me or "bad" which I never felt before, but has become so pervasive (I have read that some with BPD have this sense of badness or evilness at their core.) I keep telling myself that I don't know who I am, that I'm stuck, etc. I just feel that this is more connected to a severe form of OCD and depression, rather than something deeper. I'm not too sure though. My question is what have some of your experiences been with this particular symptom of BPD, and did this "identity disturbance" suddenly develop or is it something you feel was characteristic of your personality for quite some time prior to being diagnosed? Thanks for reading and for any insights