Quote:
Originally Posted by spondiferous
I would also add that I always had a certain perception of myself - easy to get along with, peaceable, operating on my own authority and moral integrity, socially adaptable, etc. It wasn't until I started struggling with my mental health again in 2009 that I realized that wasn't necessarily true. Not that I was a rotten person and had no redeemable qualities...but that a lot of things I only attributed to my meltdown in 2009 had actually been happening most of my life and I just didn't have the proper lens through which to view it. I'm not saying this is the case with everyone, but rather that time changes all things.
|
Hey thanks for your response
Yeah I can agree with everything about having a certain perception of yourself. It's just that this intense introspection coupled with my OCD thoughts have dug me into a state in which I have no idea if I led myself to believe certain things about myself that I truly didn't feel. Hence, the whole I feel inherently bad or evil and that I act nice and good, but it's all a joke. Again, I can't say I always felt this way about myself, but I'm struggling to determine if this was all under the surface or that I'm simply being led around by my obsessional thinking. The reason why I keep coming back to BPD is because of some of what my psychologist said in therapy and also this identity disturbance criteria that from what I read in some sources matches up pretty well with me. When I look at the other criteria I can not say I fit them really for any moment in my life. Does this whole feeling of something being evil or inherently wrong/being fake resonate with you in terms of your BPD?