(((adam)),

I am glad to hear you are going to marriage counceling. I think it will help both you and your wife. I have mentioned before that you got married very "young" and tbh, in our 20's we are still not really fully grown up yet.

We go through our childhoods, then school and then college and we don't really begin to truely feel ourselves until we have a chance to take the things we learned and begin to take steps into the outside "adult world".

You have been going out and working and actually using the skills you learned, and you are being rewarded with a pay check and with that you are learning to be responsible and learn how to maintain as well as have things because "you are using your skills".

Well your wife hasn't done that yet, she has loans to pay, has an education but she has not done the next step. So, in some ways she isn't "fulfilled" and she is not enjoying how she can use her skills and do what you are doing.

This online romance thing, that is all about her "filling a void", that has nothing to do with "you" but everything to do with her "void". And it isn't even about "love" or that she doesn't "love you", she is experiencing "low self worth" and that online thing was the only thing that helped her to "escape that". And honestly, that happens alot and it isn't really meant to be "cheating", it is really more about someone who has a personal void, aside from their partner.

Remember, you just laid out alot of your "personal challenges and hurts" to her. While I understand you needed to let that out once and for all with her? Well, you have to remember that she has not yet had a chance to be independantly strong herself. She has not had the chance to use her skills and work and enjoy independance yet, independance meaning her own "empowerment". And now she is faced with "your worries and insecurities" that go pretty deep. Do you think she really knows how to deal with that? What are her life skills so far really?

I know you have told her that your life changed and had purpose when you met her, and she is your reason for getting up everyday. Well, that is alot of pressure, and in reality, while it is nice to be "that loved" and "appreciated" it doesn't do anything for "her self esteem" or her sense of self worth.

For a healthy relationship to happen each partner needs to do "self care and self love" first and then they share that with someone. It is not really "fair" to expect another person to "make you happy", you each need to understand personal happiness, personal love of life, then share that with each other.

Your personal "therapy" is supposed to help you "find you and be happy and learn how to accept and love self". You are only beginning "that journey", that is "your responsiblity" not hers. She needs to find "her private happiness within herself" and she has not gotten that either. That is why there is this "emptyness" between the two of you now. This often happens when we think "marriage or another person is responsible for our happiness and sense of empowerment".

Marriages and relationships flourish when two people "compliment each other" not when one is expected to provide purpose and happiness for the other.

Try not to be "resentful" with her. Please give this time so you can finally understand what I am saying here.

Open Eyes