I've always pushed everyone away, sometimes with force, in an effort to stay isolated, stay safe, stay under control. The urge to push has returned...against this place, against anything or anyone who's close to me in an effort to once again gain that security. I don't want to push nor do I want to cling, both equallly detrimental. Instead, I must learn control; I must learn how to stay in "wise mind" and stay in the present. I have stepped up my DBT and meditation in an effort to self-help. Therapy is what I really need but it is still not an option. Distance is needed as I begin this new journey though I'm here all the time clinging to the only thing I know. I am scared, I must succeed, and I need your support as I begin this journey.