Hi,
Have you been diagnosed with DPD or any PD by a professional? I received a dx of personality disorder NOS, with traits of DPD, in November, in the course of. This means I have a PD (enough of the general traits to qualify) but don't fit into any category. Not that the formal diagnosis matters that much, everything changes in new DSM.
I have help numerous very responsible jobs, do not have a problem being alone, etc., but I have serious dependency issues with my dad. I have also had severe major depression for years, with only occasional breaks. I received my dx after an incredibly thorough evaluation by a team of mental health workers including psychiatrists, individual psychodymanic therapists, social workers, and psychologists, and they said that I needed intensive psychotherapy (even analysis) 3-4 times a week indefinitely to work on developing autonomy and agency. I'm now undergoing this therapy (along with CBT) and have had some insights that have helped me realize the scary extent to which I am dependent.

Am I correct that you are no longer dependent on your H/ex-H? That would be a big step, although from what I've read you may need to watch out for becoming dependent on someone else. For myself, I have realized how often I say "I can't" do something - it is truly shocking!!! I am trying to catch myself any time I am saying this (to myself or someone else), and I try to force myself to do whatever the uncomfortable thing is. I have some difficult living situations that I am trying to deal with and hopefully extricate myself from over time. I have also realized how often I have blamed someone else for something when actually I had a choice and could have avoided the unpleasant outcome - so I am trying to catch myself and figure out what is really going on if I have the urge to blame someone. But it isn't like there is a set of exercises that you can do. I think you will need to identify places where you are maybe being passive and letting something happen to you - especially if there are people that you tend to defer to. I'm really no expert but thought I would at least try to give you my thoughts on your question!
Aaaaah! I am just seeing that you live in N. CA, I moved from the bay area (had been there 10 years) to Washington, DC, almost 2 years ago, doing what my dad said to do. I miss the area so badly. I sort of despair of ever being able to return - the economic downturn threw a monkey wrench into my career and I don't know that I can ever get back into it, let alone get back into it and get to live in the bay area as I want to. Try not to take it for granted!!