Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightlight
That's why I tried so hard to think that maybe it was her stuff. Maybe she was in a huge rush to get somewhere in particular. I'm sure it's partly me, being sensitive, but I wish she'd just be patient and gentle with me after all these huge ruptures we've had.
It can't be all my perception. She really did say things in the past like "oh so you try everywhere else but not here! You expect me to do all the work"! That was after I tried to tell her that I put on a brave face all week and sometimes needed to be honest with her about how bad things were for me. When there are so many things like that now all jumbled together, it seems like such a mess. It seems so unfair that she has now removed herself and is saying that it's about my past. I do think my inability to cope with it is about the past...but some things are about being hurt by her.
I've tried to sort out the financial situation today and was told that it will take more than a week after they get more forms that I have to send in. I'm waiting for the forms to be signed by a university staff member. I couldn't even get that that stage before having a letter from T. In the mean time there is nowhere that I can get a single cent from. Everything is so hard right now. I just wish T would be really really gentle until I'm a bit more okay.
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Nightlight,
Reading your posts is heartbreaking. As you know, I can relate to some of the feelings you're experiencing.
I'm also a very sensitive person, but it doesn't mean that every reaction we have to our T (or anyone else) is solely because of our sensitivities. Ts make mistakes. We make mistakes. If they/we can own them, apologise and move on, then our work together can continue.
I don't know how to help you right now - I know you're hanging in there, as I did. The only thing I really want to reassure you of (and I realise that I don't know you so I can only share my experience with you and hope that it is the same for you) is that IF you do decide that your T is continually hurting you too much (and those comments you've just written about as well as many others you've written in your other posts, were hurtful in my opinion) and you do decide to terminate, that it IS survivable. Mind you, if someone had said that to me, I would not have believed them, so I understand completely if at this time, you can't believe me. I'm not saying it won't hurt - it will and for quite a while. It's been 8 months since I terminated now and I still think of my T every day and wish things had turned out differently, but it
is becoming easier to handle . . .
Bluey