Thanks for all the ideas. Sui hotline is a good idea; it's just so hard for me to reach out. I've never called a sui hotline, because I always figure that there must be someone out there who needs it more than I do. I like the list of things to celebrate about life too. Part of me (I suspect the part that wants to die) really doesn't want me to make that list, though. Perhaps a sign that it would be effective at calming these thoughts?