I just tried something from YouTube tonight. It was really short and helped a lot. I kind of combined it with something I learned in the hospital, so that the outside noise distractions didn't distract too much, they just became part of the awareness. In the hospital, we did an awareness exercise where we would say something like, "I hear the clock on the wall," or "I see the plant in the corner" three times. We'd do it for see, smell, touch, feel, and hear. I don't know if that makes sense. But tonight I would just do it for whatever was distracting me: "I hear the car outside my window," or "I hear the fan on my computer" or "I feel my butt getting sore in this chair" (hahaha) and it just became part of the mindfulness exercise.

I also went through a little bit of emotional affirming (not necessarily positive affirmations) like, "I understand that this friendship is over, I understand my actions caused it to be over, I understand I cannot push or cajole my friend into being my friend again, I understand that I have to let go, and I understand that time will heal my pain, and I understand my life isn't over because this person doesn't want to be my friend, and I understand I still have a full life without this friend," etc, while practicing my breathing. It helped.

I hope that made sense. In any case, it worked. I feel much more relaxed and in control of my emotions. I'm sure that wasn't normal meditating, but it still worked for me. Now I just need to keep being mindful even when I'm not meditating, and keep setting aside time to meditate--maybe more normally next time.