Someone who I've been in a real serious relationship came to me last week expressing to me that she would want to get back together. I was so shock and didn't know what to think of it.
Our past was so intense and we were so young. We're both 24 now and when we were together we were only 17. When we were together it was both our first time to let everyone around us know that she was a lesbian and I was bisexual. Because it was a huge and important step in our lives it made us so close.
When we broke up and it was because she had cheated on me but after sometime, we've still kept in touch through out the years. The closeness we had with coming out together kept our friendship alive but there was also a thin line between us that could be easily crossed and because of that I was very aware of it.
If I were to sum up how our friendship have been like for the years it would be like this:
I've always been an anchor for her when she has a hardship in any part of her life. I would be the anchor to remind her of what she truly deserves and the personal strength she always had inside of her. Of the years I've gotten to know her so well. I've seen many downfalls of hers and we've shared our experiences of our other relationships. She gives me the comfort of closeness and I'm the anchor to help ground her when she's distress.
When I mean closeness it has nothing to do anything sexual but its our causal walks, the way she could make me laugh and the subtle ways we comfort one another when we're together. When we were 17 we learned subtle ways to comfort one another when we would be in public without drawing a crowd and to offend others, so a touch on the shoulder or the soft caress on the hand is so intimate for us.
Last week she comes over to visit but I could tell something was on her mind. She was real restless. She brought over dinner for me, spent hours watching tv with me, took our walks and later on the night she called and from 10pm-5am the next day we were on the phone. she tells me that looking back I've always been the one that she could say loved her and she feels the same for me. If we were to get back together or not she could move on just knowing that at least I now know how she feels. I told her that we must take things slow because I need to know that she's willing to stick around for me.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I could see us having a long-term friendship but to have a relationship I'm just not certain. I have things that I look for in a long-term partner. A clear, strong head on their shoulder, to be mature with how they handle their liquor, no smokers, and a clear outlook on life etc. Sadly she doesn't have this. I accept her as my friend but as a partner I need more then that. One thing I don’t want is for us to relive our past and I’m thinking that she wants to hold on to that past.
I've been the anchor for her and we move on. When she needs me I’m a phone call away, I’ve never turned my back on her. There’s a part of me wished that she didn't come to me and tell me that she wanted to develop a relationship because now I don't know how to carry the friendship.
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