.
Your T cares, but it is a job. Your T has to say "she cares" because if she didn't WOULD YOU STAY? Your T goes home to her husband and children and closes the door on her job. She has to, to not burn out! She goes home to her mutual relationships.

Have you ever read blogs by therapists? Here is an example:
"But let’s be honest. It is a one-sided relationship. They may leave a session feeling better than ever, and I am fulfilled knowing together we worked hard, but while they may ponder our work well after the session is over, I am completely focused on my next client. I think 100% of my clients would tell you that not only do I like them, but that I like them best. And for that 45-50 minute session, I do." Therapist Finder Blog | Does Your Therapist Like You? One Therapist's Perspective

Rainbow, as long as you continue to live in your dream-world, thinking that your T is going to fulfill your needs, you will never get better.

When you wanted your T to be in a similar relationship with you, as that 5-year old sexually abused child (Shiela) with her teacher, and kept forcing it on your T, it gave a good insight into your lack of sensitivity for others. Trying to force your T to read the book so that you could have what that little girl had. That child suffered greatly (for those did not read the book) and deserved everything she received from her teacher... but guess what, she grew up and moved on.
Did you read the other books?

From PC:
For a therapist to reveal that he or she likes you is tricky business because it may not be welcome information to the client. If a client’s history is one of being betrayed by someone who says he likes her, then hurts or abuses her in some way, then the therapist may be doing more harm than good. Alternately, it may be fostering a type of dependence on the relationship that can be difficult down the road. That is why most therapists keep their own feelings and reactions in check so as not to upset the delicate balance and safety required of therapy.

I frequently wonder if she is a good T. She switches techniques as soon as she learns a new one, she breaks her own boundaries increasing YOUR confusion and attachment difficulties, and she has limited capacity to get you to grow up. In fact, her counter-transference reaction might be to you as a "mother"...based on some of her responses. (Would explain the birthday email)


Your husband is aging, your kids are aging, your friends are aging.
May not be much time left to "improve/fix" those relationships... do you really want to have regrets about the people that "mattered"....?

You are not 20 or 30 years old trying to "figure" out your life or how to make it in the world. You got educated, got married, had children, had friends, had a job, got a house, have grandchildren...... Look at that life!

Imagine you get demenia....do you think your T is going to come and visit, read a book, talk to you, care for you, be there to hold your hand? No....
It's going to be one of the people listed above. Your husband shows anger because you spend more pleasant "feelings" on your T than on your family.
It's the end of his life too....

You used to anger me and trigger me. I saw you as a selfish, "abuser" who constantly tries to justify your actions and behaviors.
A person who didn't care about others, only what YOU wanted.

Now, I just feel sorry for you. Because you will never get "it." ... (and dont want to)

I don't have 1/1000th of what you have..... but I get "it"...

...so someday with the help of therapy as a vehicle for growth and change, I might get 1/2 of what you and others have...and I sure as hell won't waste it away paying for a relationship that is not mutual, that is not based on giving and taking, and not based on sharing lives between 2 people. (That is the T relationship - it's one-sided, not mutual, not based on 2-people sharing, based on payment as part of the job, and based alot on transference which masks the true situation)


You can't see what is right in front of you.. and that is so sad.
Good luck Rainbow. I hope you "get it" before the end of your life.