Hi. This place can be very helpful, and I hope that you find it so. Still, it doesn't take the place of therapy. You say that you won't go to a hospital and probably never will have a T. May I ask what your objections are? I can understand not wanting to be hospitalized, but that isn't probably necessary. I don't know all of your circumstances, but you can't be hospitalized against your will unless you are an imminent threat to yourself or others. From your post it sounds more like you just use SI as a way to cope. Hospitalization, in my opinion, is more likely to make that worse than better. But you are having so much difficulty coping with something that you resort to hurting yourself. You probably do need some help to deal with your feelings and learn some more effective coping mechanisms. That's what therapy is about, and is beyond the scope of what we can do for you here. All we can really offer is understanding and social support.

I hope that you will come back and get to know us, and tell us more about yourself as you feel ready.

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>