Thanks for the replies, everyone. Sorry for the late response.

That weekend I know that people were letting me rest after the procedure, but I was just thinking about my life in general, how even on a normal weekend no one really considers me their "go to person"...

tinyrabbit, I do try and invite people sometimes but I get very discouraged when I don't get a yes... I also feel so small and insignificant compared to everyone else that I don't have the right to do the inviting or something?

Perna, it wasn't just about this weekend, it was about looking at all the weekends in my life and how no one really relies on my for companionship. Even that art show (which I did go to) wasn't something that I was personally invited to...it was just something that everyone on that person's Facebook friends list got invited to. I was sad because all of these things (looking at my friends' lives, looking at the lack of personal invitations) made me realize I couldn't find a single relationship in my life that felt personal...

I'm having trouble coming to terms with this idea that you can't ask people for help when you're sad. All my life I've always heard things like "don't suffer alone" etc so it's hard to accept. When I'm feeling really scared and alone I reach out to people because I guess I'm just trying to ask "Are you there?" and hoping for a simple "yes." I wish people understood that's all I was asking... My therapist told me last night that I have borderline personality disorder... I've known I had abandonment issues and codependency but it's kinda scary to be told I have a personality disorder. I was neglected as a child and raised by a woman with abandonment and borderline issues herself...it's bad enough that I had to have a bad childhood but to have my adult life be screwed up by it as well just seems cruel. I'm starting to become open to the idea that they way I've been doing things isn't going to work, but it's hard to think that I have to stop believing everything I used to believe, especially when I was just trying to do my best the only way I knew how. It's hard see coldness and impatience in J where there used to be patience and concern, even when I do the right thing...