Geez, I don't think you are pathetic at all! You have a right to feel like this, these feelings are yours, you can't help them or change them but know they are only feelings! You can change your thoughts about these feelings and give yourself a break
I bet your ya life isn't perfect, she just presents herself as perfect and in control because it is her professional responsibility.
From being in t school, I know that ya do not have perfect lives, in fact it's the opposite. Many of them have broken marriages because they change in their training and some have had terrible childhoods! They are just like us so I am sure your t can relate to you on some level.