I've been incredibly depressed for a while, I don't feel like doing anything besides sleeping. I'm sad and angry allll the time. I'm can't get over my past/mom abandoning me/insane family and all the bad things that happened in my life, like I've been obsessing over it for weeks. I have no desire to do anything.. I'm not interested in anything. I want a job, I feel like having something to do everyday and moving out of this hell hole would help but I've had no luck finding one. I'm going to school but I'm kinda ****ing up with that and it seems so stupid to me, I'm not even sure if I want to graphic design. I have social anxiety.. I'm painfully shy, I'll hang out with a group of people and I'll completely withdraw and say absolutely nothing and weird everyone out.. like I went to a small party/gathering recently and everybody kept making a big deal about me being quiet and two people said I was creepy and I didn't what to do or say.. I never know wtf to say or how to say it and can't stop thinking of myself as a freak and I seriously hate people, I think they're all stupid and hate dealing with them but at the same all I want is to be able to connect with them, to be able to have simple conversation but dealing with people does nothing for me besides make me feel extremely uncomfortable and irritated. I feel like I don't have very many friends and what friends I do have are just people that I vent to on fb. I'm so lonely and my emotions are so intense.. I've started to the sexually impulsive thing again.. I just want an escape/a cathartic release/and to feel beautiful and human if only for a moment. I just can't function and seriously hate myself... like I'm sick of this, my life is ALWAYS different degree's of awful and I feel things will never get better and I'll never experience any joy.